Incredible Bulk

The person who conceived the idea for the creation of such a beast from German tuning company, GeigerCars must have been an avid reader of the Incredible Hulk comic series.

The Ford GT is already big,brash and American. And with a green lick of paint and a heavily tuned V8 engine that packs a brutal punch of 779bhp, it's certainly the automotive equivalent to the enraged giant.

Unfortunately, the vehicle pictured is no longer: it was wrecked on the Autobahn by Geiger's own test-driver at 174mph. He obviously didn't take heed to the audible warning heard upon firing-up the beast: "You won't like me when I'm angry".

One might criticise the team at GeigerCars for ruining the GT and transforming it from Le-Mans racing legend, to garish green tuner car more suited to the cover of Speed & Sound magazine than on the track alongside high-powered Bently touring cars and the like.

But the aesthetics are outshone by the GTs phenomenal performance stats.

The immense power increase is attributed-mostly-to the installation of a larger supercharger.Geiger's unit forces more air into the combustion chamber, boosting power and levels of torque.

The result is an increase in power of 229bhp and raises the torque figure from 500lb ft to 637lb ft.

The GeigerCars Ford Gt rockets from 0-100 in a mere 3,6 seconds.

Entry into and exit from the already tight cabin is made more difficult, as the suspension has been lowered by 60mm.

It's a measure taken to improve the cars handling, but means that your female passenger would never be able to sport her favourite skirt when riding in this green chariot.

The engine sound isn't as aurally-pleasant as the original, unmolested V8 and has been described by Geiger as "bloodcurdling".

If you posses 212 639 GBP and seek exclusivity on the roads, then the Geiger GT is for you.

Keep your eyes peeled for modified Escorts and Cortinas inspired by this shocking green fast Ford.

Phat Peugeot

While I am fond of the skimpy attire of pretty air-hostesses and the view from above an aircraft, nothing comes close to a good road trip.

Surrounded by idyllic scenery, with nothing but vacant tarmac ahead and accompanied by favourite companions-the prospect of such trips during holiday time are a great incentive to endure the boredom and stress of the daily school/work grind.

Of course, one needs the right vehicle in which to cruise the national roads.

Introducing the new Peugeot Tepee…

Far from being a flimsy tent-like thing, as its name suggests, the Tepee is a four-wheeled mammoth that manages to transport 8 people and their luggage in excellent comfort.

It’s essentially a family-friendly version of the Peugeot Expert derivative, which is a panel van suited to commercial applications.

There’s space aplenty in the cabin of the Tepee and the large truck-like windows enable one to view scenery un-obscured. Other road users are guaranteed to see those rude gestures made by passengers in a bid to have some crazy road trip fun.

Interior trim finishes seem robust and durable.

The floor, instead of being carpeted, is covered by the same durable plastic on the door panels and dashboard, enabling easy cleaning of any inevitable spills.


I quite liked the handy storage compartments placed all around the interior of the vehicle. Even the rear-most passengers have cup-holders at their disposal.

The overhead stowage compartments were like that of an aeroplane’s-A Durban taxi-owners dream, allowing plenty of space for the installation of sub-woofers and DVD screens.

The Tepee is powered by a 2.0 litre diesel engine, producing 88kw @ 4000rpm and 300 nm of torque at an early 2000rpm.

While it does feel somewhat sluggish in stop-start town driving, which is to be expected with a vehicle of this size, the Peugeot manages to cruise effortlessly on the open-road, even feeling brisk at times.

This particular model came equipped with cruise control. And while we didn’t find ourselves straying above 120 km/h on the N3, it certainly enhanced the enjoyment of the long-distance journey and made driving a breeze.

But let’s face it: you’ll probably only make trips to the coast once, maybe twice a year. So is the Tepee a vehicle one can live with for the rest of those 350 days of the year?

It’s extremely versatile, practical and would probably tackle anything you’d have to throw at it-from transporting the brats to soccer practice, or carting around building supplies.

Although, with a width of 1998cm and an overall length of 5136cm you’ll find it difficult manoeuvring through the parking lot of your local Spar.

The Tepee is a competent alternative to rivals like the ever-popular Volkswagen Kombi and oddball Renault Trafic. It’s worth some serious consideration if you’re in the market for a people-mover.


Safety: ABS, EBD, Driver and passenger airbags equipped as standard.

0-100: 14,7 seconds (claimed)

Top speed: 160 km/h

Fuel consumption: 7,5 k/l (claimed)

Why buy? : Spacious, versatile, practical, frugal.

Farewell to the Super Trouper of the motoring industry.

I’ve always been fond of the underdogs of the automotive industry. I have sympathy for those manufacturers that persist with their competent alternative, even though most buyers will probably opt for something driven by Hoi Polloi instead-say, something German, with a blue and white propeller on the nose and the number 3 on the rear.

I was rather saddened by the recent news of the demise of the quirky Scandinavian automaker, Saab.

It was indeed disappointing, especially since the possibility of a takeover by hyper car maker Christian Von Konniggsegg created some hope for the future of the brand.

I must admit: Saabs aren’t exactly bedroom poster material. But as a car nut, you have to admire their unconventionality and the quirks that make them interesting and unlike anything else on the road.

Take for example, the placement of the ignition slot: not on the right-hand side of the steering column as one would expect, but in the centre console alongside the handbrake. It’s mad! But so was A Clockwork Orange. And I love it.

Any man who’s dream was to be a fighter-pilot would love being in the cockpit of a Saab. The fascia is curved toward the driver and creates a cocooning effect-just like that of a jet-plane’s. It’s a feature that hints towards Saabs aviation lineage.

Apart from peculiar instrumentation layout and cockpit-inspired fascias, Saab is renowned for many other technological innovations.

The brand bears many credentials, as I’ve learned from a Saab themed episode of the programme, Great Cars on DStv’s Ignition. Here are a few:

*The Swedes learned that sitting on a cold seat was negative to one’s health, so in
1971, one boffin at Saab developed seats that warmed the driver and passengers posteriors.

*Nowadays, every car boasts Side Impact Beams. But the Saab incorporated such technology into their vehicles from the mid 70’s.

*Saab was a pioneer in engine turbo charging. And while the company didn’t concept the idea, it certainly tamed it, by taking measures to eliminate issues of unreliability
found with turbo-vehicles of other manufacturers.


Saabs innovation will certainly be missed.

However, there is one positive arising from the company’s death: one can fetch a new Saab for a criminal sum.

It’s a safe buy too, since, according to website Fin24, GM have agreed to honour all warranties and service plans for the next ten years.
The best buy, I believe, is the limited-edition Saab TurboX. It should cost a fortune, but at 299k, it’s the price of the most basic 3-series.

But it boasts a whole lot more, especially in terms of power: the turbo-charged AWD Saab kicks out a colossal 198kw!

I’d be happy owning one, in the knowledge that my Saab costs as much as the 3 series alongside me at the robots, but packs the punch to blow it from here to Helsinki.

Generic motors

It seems as though a blueprint is being shared amongst certain car manufacturers to design their vehicles. The thought crossed my mind the other day, when I mistook a Renault for a Volkswagen…then an Opel.

I hasten to add that my vision is perfect and as a car fanatic, I have a trained eye for spotting and noticing similarities between cars. From about 28 months I had been blessed with the vision of spotting the different makes of cars a mile away - family tell me. And with 100% accuracy.

New car template sharers make it practically impossible for others to emulate my genius. The car in question that flummoxed my perfect track record as a spotter was the new Renault Megane Coupe. In an icy white colour and with those pronounced rear haunches; it looked quite like Volkswagen’s striking Scirocco from the rear. Nearing closer, the rear tailgate seemed to have a hatch too steep to be that of the Scirocco’s. About to point out to fellow passengers in excitement “hey, look at that Astra OPC” I hesitated in a bit of confusion as I noticed the Renault diamond emblem on the tailgate.

This shouldn’t happen. One buys a Renault for its quirkiness and individuality. Not to be confused with cars like the brash and ostentatious Opel Astra OPC, with its aggressive body kit and large look-at-me rims. Another copycat car from Renault is the new Laguna Coupe. I don’t understand how Journalist Tom Ford failed to observe the car’s resemblance to the Aston Martin DB9, in his review on Discovery Channel’s motoring show, 5th Gear.

The rear tailgate has an edge that leans forward, and a subtle integrated rear spoiler, which is flared at the centre, just like the Aston. If perhaps you think I’m being a tad pedantic, then take a look at the front grille. Positioned at the bottom, in gleaming chrome with a square mesh pattern, you’ll wonder what this signature Aston design trait is doing on the Renault.

Generic and imitating designs aren’t the only issue with cars these days. Some manufacturers are simply producing ugly cars. Now everybody has different tastes when it comes to the aesthetics of a vehicle. But what about BMW-renowned for creating sexy and desirable vehicles, creating the hideous 5 Series GT? It looks nothing like a performance-orientated ‘GT’, as the moniker might have you think.

If you thought Chris Bangle killed the BMW tradition of creating sporty executive saloons with the release of the 1 Series, than you’re in for further disappointment: the GT is essentially a normal 5 series with a hatched tailgate. Porsche, the definitive sports car manufacturer also has an ugly-duckling amongst their array of beautiful coupes and convertibles. The Porsche Panamera. Much like the 5 Series GT, it is a large saloon-like vehicle with a hatched rear. A four-door 911 of sorts.

One manufacturer seems to be doing it right however. Audi have even managed to create the A5 Sportback, another vehicle in the newly spawned saloon-hatch segment, without making it look as awkward and undesirable as its competitors. Not wanting to drive one of the models of the assortment similar-looking or ugly cars on our roads, I am convinced that I should make a late request to Santa that my first set of wheels be something produced at least a decade prior to my birth. Such as the robust and-with over 2 million units sold, popular, Mercedes Benz E-class of the W123 series. It would certainly stand out in a school parking lot littered with CitiGolfs, Corsas and the like.

Chases....favourite car chases

While there are many benefits that accompany being a Secret Agent, like cool pseudonyms, endless Martinis and of course female attention, I’d like to be James Bond for one reason only: the awesome gadget-laden cars.

The recent spate of 007 films shown on DStv’s Action X has had me ruminating on my favourite Bond behind the wheel moments.

Indeed there were many car chase scenes that had one the seat’s edge in the Bond series.

But as an avid viewer, I’ve learned to expect two things with Bond car chases: the car presented to him by “Q” would end up totalled, but he would also be successful in evading the pursuit of the henchman chasing him.

Although the latter was not the case in the 2007 film Casino Royale. When the Daniel Craig-played Bond wrecked his Aston Martin DBS after swerving to avoid hitting a tied-up Vesper, lost control and somersaulted several times.

This was a disappointing moment for a Bond fan, expecting the car chase to last longer than 2 minutes.

Another disappointment was the car in Goldeneye, the effeminate BMW Z3, more suited to being parked outside the hair salon rather than being the chariot for a super spy. The car wasn’t even used in a chase and sustained none of that obligatory damage one expects with Bond commandeering a vehicle.

Bond’s street-cred was elevated in the subsequent film, Tomorrow Never Dies, when “Q” handed him a BMW 750i-complete with remote control. It was bullet proof too and also came with a very bossy KITT-like voice integrated into it, which gave warnings like “unsafe driving will void warranty”. Of course, Bond ignored its warnings and drove the car into an Avis store.

The Bond films of the 70’s and 80’s, played by my favourite Bond-actor Roger Moore also saw many cool car moments.

Most memorably in The Spy Who Loved Me, when Bond got his hands on the iconic Lotus Esprit. Dicing through the sinuous mountain pass at high speed seemed cool enough. But imagine my excitement as a 7 year old, viewing my very first Bond film, when the Lotus entered the water and transformed into an amphibious machine.

The Living Daylights, while being slightly ruined with the lacklustre Timothy Dalton as James Bond, was redeemed by the awesome car chase that ensued between police and Bond in snowy Austrian terrain. It seemed too easy for Bond in his Aston Martin, who drove alongside one police car, activated the Aston’s laser beam and sliced the police vehicle in two.

It was quite saddening when Bond left the Aston shortly after hitting the ‘self-destruct’ button. Explosive indeed.

For future films, a new face is needed to replace the unconvincing Daniel Craig who isn’t as suave, stylish and graceful as one would like James Bond to be portrayed.

One who will provide entertainment behind the wheel, but also throughout the rest of the film, as Roger Moore did.

Perhaps Jason Statham should be considered. He’s British, and in all 3 Transporter films proved to be talented both behind the wheel and when in an altercation with the baddies. And what’s more, unlike Daniel Craig, he manages to maintain sangfroid and keep his suit in tact.

As you would expect from James Bond.

My 90's favourites

The other day I had quite a 90’s moment. And no-I’m not talking about a diaper-wetting incident in case you were wondering.

A 90’s themed VH1 countdown had me thinking about my favourite cars of the pre-Millenium decade.

Indeed, the 90’s saw many advancements in automotive technology.

Manufacturers grew increasingly aware of safety and devices like the Airbag, for example became commonplace in most cars-no longer just a feature for those wealthy enough to afford Mercedes Benz and other opulent German vehicles. And institutions like EuroNcap were established to assess cars safety.

But me-a then young boy-didn’t care about such things…and didn’t even know why such mechanisms were installed in a car. I was taken aback by a cars aesthetics and speed alone.

So here are my Top Ten 90’s cars in no particular order. These cars were chosen using two simple criterion: whether they made me gasp or say “yoh…I want that when I grow up”.

10. BMW M3 (E36):
The definitive sport sedan-on steroids! The M3 had a 3.2ltr straight-six engine that produced a whopping 217kw.Which is astonishing, considering that the latest Volkswagen GTI only produces around 150kw. One might have been able to blast through the Millenium in this Blitzkrieg. Although I still cannot fathom why it earned the nickname “Dolphin”.

9. Mercedes Benz S-Class:
A beastly car with major presence and street-cred. Its tank-like body looks as though it could clear walls. How cool must it have been to own a car affiliated with the Yakuza, Dictators and constantly referred to by rappers?

8. Jaguar XK
Like its spiritual successor, the E-type of the 60’s, it looks incredible. Quite possibly the sexiest car of the 90’s. The legendary Sean Connery commandeered one away from baddies alongside the beautiful Catherine Zeta-Jones in the 1998 film, Entrapment.’Nuff said.

7. Subaru Impreza WRX
I loved it’s huge spoiler as a child, as I thought it resembled a Shark Tail. And when you’re a kid, the novelty of the prospect of driving a car with gold rims seems cool. The rally-inspired car made a glorious noise too…also, it was plenty of fun powersliding one on the Playstation.

6. Nissan Skyline
Another car for my fellow members of the Playstation Generation! I only realised what a marvel of engineering this vehicle truly was, when I saw Jeremy Clarkson raving about how it’s possible to extract 750bhp from the car’s engine, in an old show of his…from the 90’s. Unlike the ageing Clarkson, the Skyline has been freshened and revitalised.And is now known as the GT-R. The latest incarnation is even more desirable…and looks sublime on screen in Gran Turismo 5.

5. Porsche 911 Carrera
The car was so good it managed to liven up what would have otherwise been a crappy film-Bad Boys. With that classic shape, large Whale Tail rear spoiler and low sports car stance, it had all the makings of a good bedroom poster car for a young boy. And don’t lie…you also had the model.

4. Dodge Viper
Big, brash and American. The Dodge Viper looked unlike any other car of the 90’s. Even in production form, it still looked as revolutionary and futuristic as the concept car. It’s street-cred sky rocketed when Tupac was seen jiving in-front of one in a music video of his. Nothing like a bit of rapper-endorsement to make an already cool car better.

3. Volkswagen New Beetle
How do you not look at its cute, smiley front-end and not enjoy a chuckle or smile? This successor to the iconic people’s car, released one year prior to Y2K created a buzz in the motoring world. Sadly, as with most revival cars, the New Beetle is just a fashion accessory. But with its cute looks, and being the vehicle of choice for the mad and funny Austin Powers, the little bug is still very cool.

2. Renault Spider
Desirable and very rare, the Renault Spider is a lightweight two-seater sports car. In true French tradition, it looked incredibly stylish but agile and purposeful too as a sports car should look . I realised, at the age of 6 that it would take a great deal of work on dad’s old Renault Megane to get it looking like a sexy Spider replica.

1. BMW 750i
This car was a technological marvel. It’s cabin generously equipped with niceties like a television screen and telephone. James Bond had one, and his even talked! Even the television advertisement was cool: the BMW driving through a dark, ominous space of road to the tune of the Knight Rider theme song. Sure, it might have been large and created with the boring, suit-wearing executive in mind. But c’mon-it had a TV.

November 1st 2009-Forza review

When it comes to gaming, my preferred genre is racing. It’s been this way ever since I was young enough to exploit the function of my opposable thumbs on a game controller. People like myself (those not yet of the legal driving age) cherish such games. They enable us to live-out our driving fantasies vicariously, until we are one day able to lift ourselves off the couch and into our very own rides. Titles like Gran Turismo and the Need for Speed series are among my all time favourites. And now there’s a new one: the recently released Forza Motorsport 3. Created for the Xbox platform, Forza 3 delivers the fun of an arcade driving game, with the realism of a simulator, as I discovered at the launch. Apart from sampling the game, we were also treated to some nausea-inducing sideways action on a slalom course, as passengers in a Nissan 350Z, modified heavily for drifting. Do try this at home-from the safety of your own Xbox console.

After deciding that my stomach had endured enough of being tossed around, I decided to go back to the gaming-station and immerse myself in Forza 3 for a while. Honestly, it’s very difficult to fault this game…alright, unless you’re really pedantic you’ll hardly be bothered the slightly longer-than-usual time each race takes to load. But as I’m told, that could also be dependent on a few factors, like whether the game is saved to the console’s memory-vault or not. Gripes aside, I was truly dazzled by the detail and clarity of the vehicles and environments. Ridges, cracks and stray gravel alongside the road and in your path are clearly visible-it’s simply sublime. And there are many tracks to choose from. You could go for the renowned Nurburgring, if you think you’re talented enough to perform a lap below the 8-minute limit many sports car manufacturers aspire to for their vehicles.

Or if you fancy a bit of landmark-spotting, how does cruising past Times Square in an American V8 grab you? Location is everything I’m told, but for a petrol head like me, the cars are paramount. And there’s a vast array in Forza 3-about 400 to be exact. From rare classics like the BMW 507, to everyday commuter hatchbacks we are more used to seeing (and owning), to those brightly-coloured Ferrari and Lamborghini exotics-usually the subjects of a wistful stare and a tear with those my age. Even the revered Bugatti Veyron-which holds the record for world’s fastest car-is among your varied choice. And unlike in other games, one needn’t work tirelessly achieving objective after objective to unlock desired vehicles. They are all available from the moment you switch on begin playing. The in-cockpit view adds to realistic experience. Neglect to check your rear-view and you might be on the receiving end of some rear-end-nudging foul play from one of your opponents. I also liked the way the cars were subject to cosmetic and mechanical damage. I cringed after witnessing my Ferrari F430 crumple against a crash barrier in the race replay.

I can only imagine what Ronaldo must have felt like when he wrecked his in the real realm. The aesthetic appeal of Forza isn’t just limited to the cars and locations, it’s also seen in the game’s mascot-the Face of Forza, Natacha Gachnang. You wouldn’t think so from the pretty exterior, but Natacha is involved in the high-octane, greasy business of motor sport. She is the first ever woman to race in the FIA Formula Two Championship. Gachnang has also made some contributions to the production of Forza 3, advising on the realism of some of the tracks she has raced on in her career and critiquing the sounds and set ups of the cars she has driven. “What a buzz – the tracks, the cars, the handling – the attention to detail is incredible. Forza 3 is a car fans dream! It really feels like I’m right there, in the car, racing round the tracks, all in the comfort of my own living room!” said Natacha. The first version of Forza sold 1,7m units, while the 2nd edition sold 3,6m units. Based on the sales increase seen with Forza 2, developers, Turn 10 anticipate to sell 6 million units of Forza 3 by December. I certainly hope to find a copy of Forza 3 under my Christmas tree.

Sunday December 3rd 2010:Hybrids

Since Al Gore announced that “we are in grave danger” In the Inconvenient Truth, it has become fashionable to boast about one's eco-friendliness, how small one's carbon footprint is and how frequently one recycles.

Car manufacturers have scrambled to produce vehicles that are kinder to the environment.

Or make it seem as though they have, by taking derivatives of existing models, making a few minor revisions and then giving it a name with the ‘eco'- prefix, usually in green or blue lettering.


The Toyota Prius is what comes to mind when you think of environmentally-friendly motoring. But you’d be wrong.

It appeared to have been proven on an episode of Top Gear that after one lap of the famous track surrounding the Top Gear headquarters at same speeds, the Prius uses more fuel than a BMW M3. It was also shown on the satirical series, South Park, that hybrids like the Prius do pollute the air - with a great deal of driver “smug”.

But perhaps I’m being a tad harsh on the concept Enviro-motoring. Indeed, there some cool vehicles that one can look good in without destroying entire ecosystems.



Like the Fisker Karma for example.

Despite the peculiar name, it’s a very desirable and eco-friendly car.

I was drooling over visuals of its sleek body, gracefully dominating an undulating piece of road, on Ignition’s Auto Mundial.

I was surprised when it was announced that this Fisker creation is powered by an electric motor. One rarely uses the terms ‘environmentally friendly’ and ‘performance-orientated car’ in the same sentence. The Fisker produces super car levels of power without releasing any harmful emissions into the atmosphere.

Even the already fashionable MINI has an electric version, called the MINI E.

One can only imagine the smugness of such a driver, being cocooned in the stylish, dainty icon and being able to claim that her MINI produces no greenhouse gasses en-route to the mall and Newscafe.

Despite its benefits to the environment, there is a problem with electric-powered vehicles: the barely audible whirr produced by the motor poses a threat to pedestrians.

They won’t hear it coming until it’s too late. Although - further adding to the novelty of owning a car that you have to plug in -manufacturers of these silent electric cars are giving the option of having your vehicle equipped with an alerting noise, informing pedestrians of your approach, via speakers integrated into the car’s bumpers.

"One possibility is choosing your own noise,” said spokesperson for BMW’s MINI division, Nathalie Bauters.

With all this focus on creating vehicles with the environment in mind, it seems inevitable that our favourite internal combustion engines are destined to become obsolete. Sure, they’re trying to emulate engine sounds. And I must admit, the idea of having them projected through a speaker in the bumpers does seem quite cool. But for me, no electric whirr or studio-engineered sound can compare to the aurally-pleasant burble of a horizontally-opposed Subaru boxer engine, or the monstrous roar of an Audi Q7 V12 4.2 litre TDI.

For a petrol head like myself, these sounds will always be electrifying.